| JuryFury.com
Now Every 15th of the Month ! Online School of Politics |
|||
| Areas of Interest THE USA American Foreign Policy US House and Senate US Presidents State & Local Politics Regional Politics Politics of China The British Commonwealth Indian Subcontinent Middle East The European Union Africa Latin America ASEAN NATO United Nations The Non-aligned Movement Eastern Europe New Nations of the 20th Century General Topics Constitutional Law Human Rights Nuclear Disarmament & Treaties International Warfare Environmental Law Peace Treaties Economic & Social Alliances International Organizations Journalism & Media Racism and Democracy Women in the Workplace Family Law Courts and Practices The Judicial System Higher Education Education and Government Health Care & Insurance Rights of the Disabled Copyright & Working Online Legal Representation Legal Insurance Pornography Domestic Violence Religion & Law Workers Rights Employers Rights Prison & Life after Social Organizations Welfare & Poverty Taxation and Democracy Third World Aid Programs Space Exploration Alternative Energy Petroleum Industry & Cars Nuclear Power Programs for the Arts Sports Education Policing the Internet Privacy and freedom Immigration Food and Regulation War on Drugs War on Pharmaceuticals Public Housing Pollution and Control Sexual Harrassment Discrimination Electoral Process Consumers Rights Investors Rights Abortion Death Penalty Social Security Gender & Sexuality Grassroots Organization ACLU World Watch Oxfam UNICEF United Negro Fund Ford Foundation (suggestions welcome at our chatsite) Law of the Economy Join I-Traderschool, our sister magazine, for debates and news. |
911 & al-Qaeda
The Monkey Goes Where the Wind Blows Condoleeza Rice Mouths White House Rebuttal to Clark by Dave Tomar 4/13/04 This week, the September 11th Commission finally got the opportunity to question National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice, formerly the actress who portrayed a white woman in the popular 1950’s television series, My Three Sons. After months of resistance, the White House allowed Rice to answer questions about its counter-terrorism policy prior to 9/11. However, inside sources assert that the president dispatched her with explicit instructions to "not mention the fact that, on 9/11, I got so excited I soiled myself in front of a room full of eight-year old Florida schoolchildren." On this issue and many others, Rice was steadfast in her refusal to concede any error in policy or planning by the Bush administration that may have contributed to the nation’s lack of preparedness at that time. In the face of bipartisan questioning, that was at times hostile, she contended that "the Bush administration made no mistakes leading up to September 11th. If you’ll recall, the hijackings and terrorist attacks went off without a hitch. Really, the worst mistake we made was working with Richard Clarke. I have a great deal of respect for him but maybe we would have taken him more seriously if he wasn’t a pedophile who picks his nose and sodomizes nuns with crucifixes. Sure, he begged for a meeting with the president to speak to him about terrorism. Naturally, we were unable to accommodate this request. We were all booked up meeting with Saudi royals, undisclosed energy taskforce consultants and the animated but clearly rotting corpse of Charlton Heston. In fact, there was even one time that the president agreed to meet with a group of heavily artillerated Ted Nugent fan-clubbers in lieu of Dr. Clark. But it’s not because terrorism wasn’t a priority. It was because we felt it would be impossible at that time to combat terrorism with the same degree of stupidity that we can in this post-September 11th world. So we figured, if we can’t have it our way, we won’t bother doing it at all." Rice echoed the White House’s overall rebuttal to Clarke’s testimony, explaining that terrorism was a priority, but not the priority. She reminded those present at the hearings that "prior to September 11th, national security was not as clearly defined. Now, it’s more than apparent that the problem is the Arab world. But before those brutal attacks, which upset me so deeply that even now, I’m so overcome with emotion that I have to blink, it was unclear who was the greatest threat to America. When we entered the White House, the most immediate concerns facing us were marijuana, eco-terrorism and blowjobs. And I think it’s safe to say that we took those threats very seriously and we faced them head-on. The Clinton blowjob debacle was destroying our nation. It killed thousands abroad, left millions of Americans jobless and leveled four mining towns in western Pennsylvania. So we eliminated the danger of blowjobs by undergoing a lengthy, expensive and distracting impeachment trial. Now blowjobs are no longer popular. Since Bill Clinton and Janet Reno stopped walking the White House halls, the incidences of public servants receiving oral sex within have dropped a whopping 95%. And the margin separating us from perfection would be quite a different story were it not for Vice President Dick Cheney’s surprising and disturbing flexibility. The point, and I’d like to get this out, even if it takes me the entire span of one democratic committee member’s allotted time for questioning, and even if it causes me to abstract upon several seemingly irrelevant tangents for excessive durations. . . the point is that our resources were going to crucial priorities elsewhere. We didn’t have time to concern ourselves with a well-organized, international, multi-million dollar terrorist organization with deep-seeded motives for hatred against the United States, the means to carry out acts of mass-homicide and a rap sheet of suspicious activities longer than the president’s arrest record. Now it’s easy to be suspicious about incidences such as the attack on the U.S.S. Cole and FBI reports about suspected Al Qaeda members seeking out flight lessons without the courses about landing. But before September 11th, battleships were always blowing up and flying without landing was one of the hippest things you could do. Those Clinton years were crazy. As for all the intelligence during the summer leading up to September 11th that claimed there was heightened activity in the terror community, there was nothing we could do to react. If you will recall, we did not yet have the color coded alert system in place. If everybody knew that we were on red alert, everybody would have been walking around reminding everybody else about the red thing. There’s no way the towers would have collapsed then. But it didn’t happen because we weren’t paying attention. It was because there was this systemic problem of not having the color codes. But we have them now so we should be set." Ultimately, most analysts have agreed that Rice held up well in questioning. With an overhead camera angling down at her a la Hot Buttered Soul, the former oilman did not yield to a barrage of difficult challenges. However, the administration’s refusal to accept any responsibility for misjudgment that may have allowed the attacks to occur could prove to be a political folly given its far-fetched nature and asinine sentiment. Rice closed her remarks before the committee by assessing that "it may seem implausible for us to be unrepentant about our failures in providing security considering that three-thousand Americans died on our watch. But look at it from our perspective: who cares?" The president is expected to make an appearance before the committee at a time in the near future that is as yet undetermined. Explained an official for the White House, "the president sleeps until the mid-afternoon. After breakfast, it’s porno-time and then, of course, naptime. There’s a drug-policy meeting after that everyday, which he usually holds with some old frat-buddies. After that, it’s kind of a blur until the late-night, where we generally go out and steal stuff from peoples’ front lawns. So it’s hard to clear his schedule for some silly committee." However, when the president does eventually have the time to sit down with the committee, he will do it jointly with the vice president. Explained Bush during a recent radio address, "I just get so bored at these things if I don’t have a friend with me." The session will not be held in public, nor will it be administered under oath. The president explained that "I’m comfortable lying to a commission. And I’m comfortable channeling a lie through a commission to the American people. But lying before God, that’s where I draw the line. I only lie to God in the confines of my own home." And remember, as always, the monkey goes where the wind blows About the Author(s): Dave Tomar's The Monkey Goes Where the Wind Blows is a fictitious column based on current events in politics. See under Our Contributors to find out about the Author(s) of this article. |
Yahoo! World News Headlines Our Winners Club Our Contributors Research Links Legal Advice ALL Awards & Internships Become an Activist Join an Organization Get Volunteerism Alert Write Letters to a local Politician Start your own Group Applied Politics Projects Suggest a Project Start your Yahoo Groups Get Internship Credit Funding for Projects Encourage Discussion Join Juryfury Chat Promote Juryfury.com Join online discussion Groups Be In the Spotlight Let us Interview you : Authors of political books Activists Journalists Lawyers Law Enforcement Politicians Politican Scientists Be A Columnist Get Internship Credit Write twice a Month Get Heard Start a Yahoo Group Advertise with Us Books (Free) Political Our Staff & Contributors Our Magazines Quietpoly.com I-Traderschool Juryfury.com The Company Our Address: QuietPoly Inc. 240 W. Saunders. Dr. (#146) Flagstaff, AZ 86001 Tel (928) 214-7365 quietpoly@yahoo.com |
|